Your Erroneous Zones: Step-by-Step Advice for Escaping the Trap of Negative Thinking and Taking Control of Your Life

Life changing perspective. Great read!

I first read this in my early 20's back when it first came out, and I think it's the best of all his many books. The late, wonderful Dr. Dyer dispenses an incredible amount of common sense wisdom in this book. I have gifted a lot of people this book, and I can say without a doubt that every single one of us can benefit from the ideas Dr. Dyer offers up. He is one of my absolute favorite people ever. Do yourself a favor and read this book. You'll be better for it, much wiser, and have a much better understanding of yourself. It's an easy read, too!

Perfect book

This reviewer has found some of Dyer’s advice helpful over the years, and this book is full of insights and prescriptions for living with confidence. A lot of us have one or more of the self-defeating behaviors he describes, and can benefit from understanding why we cling to them and how to overcome them. Here are a few examples of the good advice Dyer offers:• Blame is what people use to evade self-responsibility. Blame does not change the blamer, but it keeps the focus off the only person who can change his or her level of happiness or frustration.• Healthy people have a sense of humor and don’t take themselves too seriously. Choosing to be amused, rather than frustrated and angry, fills one with happiness instead of misery.• Trying something new, instead of always doing the same things the same way, expands potential and allows for learning. Boredom is debilitating and psychologically unhealthy; while being fearful of the unknown quashes curiosity and growth.• “Not one moment of worry will make things any better,” writes Dyer. Here he agrees with the New Testament: ”Do not worry about your life…who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?” (Matt 6: 25, 27)• “Complaining to others accomplishes nothing,” assuming the others are powerless to do anything about the problem. “It encourages self-pity and immobilizes you.” Don’t permit others to abuse you with their litany of complaints. Complaining is wasteful behavior, and it puts negativity on the listener.• Regretting, wishing and hoping are “the most common and dangerous tactics for evading the present.”• We can control our feelings, instead of allowing others or events to do so. His syllogism is this: Since I can control my thoughts, and my feelings spring from my thoughts, ergo, I can control my feelings. Controlling feelings is consistent with St. Paul who wrote he is content regardless of the circumstances.• We have to love ourselves first before we can love others, writes Dyer. Fortunately, Dyer distinguishes between healthy self-love and narcissism. If not, then Donald Trump would be the healthiest person in America.On the other hand, it is hard to fully accept some of his assertions. Dyer claims, for example, that our culture undermines independence and promotes dependence upon the opinions of others. Yet Americans have fewer close friends than people in other cultures and a weaker sense of community. If Americans are too other-oriented, Dyer must think the Asian cultures breed insanity.Dyer disapproves of approval-seeking behavior when it becomes a need and places responsibility for how one feels in the hands of others. It’s true approval-seeking can be taken to an extreme. Those who “eradicate” approval seeking behavior, however, may find themselves out of a job, since a boss’ approval is necessary for employment.“Failure does not exist,” Dyer asserts. “Failure is simply someone else’s opinion of how a certain act should have been completed.” But we live in communities, not in isolation, and the opinion of others matters, whether we like it or not.Dyer makes sense when he urges readers to eliminate chronic apologizing for things one isn’t really sorry for. He goes too far, however, in asserting that “apologizing is a waste of time…all apologies are approval-seeking.” When we cause harm or offense to someone, perhaps inadvertently, it seems a mature thing to do is to accept responsibility and offer a sincere apology. The alternative is to refuse to apologize when one has done something he regrets. Someone who never admits being wrong can be just as obnoxious as someone who is always apologetic when there is no need to be.Dyer teaches that we should eschew guilt. Feeling guilty, he writes, does not lead to exoneration for misbehavior. Actually, it is a tenet of religion that repentance leads to forgiveness. It is also a proven way to reconcile broken relationships when someone expresses sincere regret for wrongdoing. Finally, judges often take into account the offender’s repentance, or lack thereof, in setting sentences.“There is no such thing as human nature,” Dyer asserts. Human beings certainly have strong tendencies, however, such as our powerful confirmation bias to justify what we do.It’s a dream world to expect fairness and to compare ourselves to others, Dyer writes. We should eliminate external references of comparison. On the other hand, human beings are social animals, and poverty and affluence are always defined relative to others within a community. In addition, social comparison may be inborn. Research with monkeys suggests they also have a sense of unfairness. When monkeys in adjacent cages perform some behavior for a reward, they are happy until their counterpart receives a more desirable reward for the same performance, at which point they reject the inferior reward that had previously been sufficient.Dyer claims there is no need to reciprocate when others extend invitations or give gifts. We should only respond if and when we feel like it. Free riders apparently don’t bother Dyer, though most human beings have a different perspective.“The hallmark of effective marriage is minimal fusion and optimal autonomy and self-reliance.” Really? “Optimal autonomy and self-reliance” are found in being single, not married. If maximum autonomy and independence are the most important values, then why seek marriage in the first place? On the other hand, Dyer is right that dominance and submission are part of some marriages.Perhaps my disagreements come from not completely understanding Dyer’s points. But there is much to agree with in Your Erroneous Zones and readers will find it helpful. ###

This book was first given me in 1980, so I guess you could say that, these days, it is vintage self-help. Yet, I find it is still very helpful for those men and women who reach a point of self-realization in their adult lives that they need to fix things within. I guess life is such a thing for us humans that, to reach the age of 40, you have already hurt yourself, and a few others, just to learn what life really is. There is no other way.Also, the man who gave me this book was one of the wisest men I have ever met, so, consider the source. He knew I needed it.Friends are Spiritual Family, so, in order to deal with them, you have to clean up relationships in your mind and heart, and in your own family as well. Besides, as you grow older, you begin to realize that you are much less friend-oriented, and many that you keep, you do so because you know them, but love them anyway.And, even if you are, pardon the word, “normal”, you certainly will have family and friends who are so neurotic that they are intensely aware of all their own pains, but oblivious to yours…time to start realizing your realizations.The only other important thing is that, by age 40 or so, you can divide people into two categories: Those who love to learn and are excited to grow, and the rest who : “learn nothing and forget nothing.” No book, and no Master, and no Messiah can help the stubborn 2nd group. Most all of them, even if they are brought to the door of Death, and then somehow miraculously released at the last moment to live more life—they still won’t get it. No change: no livin’~~!!! No matter what therapy or what ceremony or what system you use for therapy, if you the patient don’t do the work, you won’t live smart. You either do the work on yourself, and co-operate with those that are helping you in the process, or, you die stupid. Take your choice. Start with this book. It helps.

Um livro para ser lido várias vezes em diferentes etapas da vida.

Ha llegado bien embalado y en perfecto estado

To live happy and fulfilling life BE YOURSELF.Don’t change for anyone.We are conditioned by school of society to be and to behave according to others needs.The author wrote:“Give up having to have a reason for everything you do.When someone ask you WHY ,remember that you don’t have to come up with reasonable answer that will satisfy them.You can do what you decide just because you want to.It was quick read for me maybe because I am passionate about this topic. It’s really therapeutic because you constantly read about YOU being the most important person in YOUR life ,which is not how people are concerned for life.We have to be good,nice,do our best for others not to ourselves.The author wrote about inner security“This is the only lasting security, the only real security . Things can break down , a depression can wipe out your money, your house can be repossessed , but YOU , you can be a rock of self -esteem .You can believe so much in YOU and YOUR internal strength that things or others will be seen as mere pleasant but superfluous adjuncts to your life.”This book and the other books of Dr Dyer are really worth your time.

excellent

Un libro que todos tenemos que leer para crecer