All About Love: New Visions

There aren't many public discussions of love in America outside of popular culture -- movies, music, books, magazines -- but there should be, because lack of an expansive understanding of and capacity for love is behind much that is wrong in our society. When bell hooks noticed that the world she was living in "was no longer open to love" and that "lovelessness had become the order of the day," she decided to write about it. "I began thinking and writing about love when I heard cynicism instead of hope in the voices of young and old," she says. The result is a book that's a refreshing change from relationship advice books that completely overlook the cultural context of love -- the ways in which love is difficult for both men and women, but especially for women, in a patriarchal culture; the ways in which a more expansive understanding of love is sorely needed to set things right in a country run by fear. hooks begins by addressing the pervasive confusion about what love is, defining it as M. Scott Peck does: "The will to extend oneself for the purpose of nurturing one's own or another's spiritual growth." The chapters in which hooks names "the ways we are seduced away from love" read as a litany of soul-corroding cultural norms. There is, most fundamentally, injustice to children in dysfunctional families in a culture where family dysfunction is normalized. Then there's the increasing prevalence of lying in public and private transactions alike, most recently exemplified in the Enron scandal and the priest-pedophile scandal in the Catholic Church. There's the cultural obsession with power and domination instead of a love ethic. (hooks pulls no punches when she states: "An overall cultural embrace of a love ethic would mean that we would all oppose much of the public policy conservatives condone and support.") There's also the vast and unending greed encouraged by a consumerist society. And last but not least, there's our collective fear of and at the same time worship of death. (What else could explain the great popularity of movies saturated with violence, such as "Lord of the Rings"?) Then there are the chapters where hooks explores the importance of self-love, the reality of divine love, the crucial role played by friendships and communities, the role of romantic love in helping us resolve and transform family-of-origin wounds if approached consciously, the real healing power of true love, and the yearning for love that lies behind the popular fascination with angels. The only topic I found missing from her comprehensive look at love is biophilia, that love of nature named by Harvard biologist Edward O. Wilson. I'm coming to realize that any concept of intimacy with our particular place on earth is sorely absent from most American lives, imperiling our planet's health as well as our own. Throughout the book, it's hooks's personal revelations that make what she says credible and that especially strike a chord in me. I found in her a sister spirit. Just my age, she could be describing my relationship history when she describes her own. And herein lies my biggest quibble with the book: wishing to avoid the kind of disappointments in relationships with men I've had in the past, I want to believe that I can find satisfying love with a male, but the many generalizations hooks makes about men in our culture make me wonder. I fear she may be right when she says that "most men feel that they receive love and therefore know what it feels like to be loved; women often feel we are in a constant state of yearning, wanting love but not receiving it" (p. xx). According to hooks, many, if not most, men under patriarchy tell lies "to avoid confrontation or taking responsibility for inappropriate behavior" (p. 36), "use psychological terrorism as a way to subordinate women" (p. 41), "are especially inclined to see love as something they should receive without expending effort . . . . [and] do not want to do the work that love demands" (p. 114), are usually prevented by sexist thinking from "acknowledging their longing for love or their acceptance of a female as their guide on love's path" (p. 156), "are convinced that their erotic longing indicates who they should, and can, love . . . . [and] tend to be more concerned about sexual performance and sexual satisfaction than whether they are capable of giving and receiving love" (pp. 174, 176), and "choose relationships in which they can be emotionally withholding when they feel like it but still receive love from someone else. . . . [and ultimately] choose power over love" (p. 187). Hmmm. Men, what do you say to this? Can you deny it? "Profound changes in the way we think and act must take place if we are to create a loving culture," writes hooks. I, for one, would welcome those changes and am working on making them in myself. Despite being marred by unfortunate typos ("Living by a Love Ethnic" [viii], "perfect love casts our fear" [220]), this is a courageous and important book that should be read widely and taken to heart.

bell hooks wrote her entire soul into this deeply cultural and philosophical book that totally reframed how I think about love. After reading this book, I was challenged to look at what I learned and observed about love through my family and work to unlearn what I thought love was. True love challenges the patriarchy and allows us to advocate for ourselves through self-love and self- reflection. bell hooks' collections are a must-read!

This was my first book by bell hooks, and it definitely won't be my last. I've always been a lover of love...not just romantic love, but the idea of it, the practice of it, and everything it requires of us. That's what made All About Love resonate so deeply with me. This isn't simply a book about romance. It's about how we define love, how we fail to practice it, and how much better our relationships, families, and communities could be if we treated love as an action instead of just a feeling. My favorite chapter was the one about love and the relationship between adults and children. I agreed with every word. It didn't challenge my thinking...it validated it. I've long believed there's a disparity in how adults and children are treated in relationships and that children deserve more grace, respect, care, and love than society often affords them. bell hooks put words to thoughts I've held for a long time, and it was comforting to know someone else saw it too and articulated it so beautifully. One thing that fascinated me after finishing was seeing the vast differences in readers' reviews. In a way, I think those differing perspectives reflect the very society bell hooks writes about. We don't all define love the same way, value it the same way, or expect the same things from it. This book only strengthened my belief that love is a choice, a practice, and a responsibility. More than anything, I walked away wishing more people chose love...not just the feeling, but the daily practice of it.

This book is so deeply kind and compassionate in nature. Bell Hooks chose to study and ponder on love like it was her life’s mission and I believe it is. I love all of the quotes and references she has to other books and poets that she has been inspired by. Love is what we all need and the lack of it and the devaluation of it is likely what is causing all the pain and turmoil in our world. I believe that things can and will get better as we all choose to be more loving and turn our hearts and minds to opening loves pathways. This book has changed me and mended me. I am very grateful for the wisdom and love within its pages.

All About Love reframes love as something far more intentional than feeling—something practiced, structured, and rooted in care, accountability, and truth. What makes this book resonate is its clarity. Bell hooks writes in a way that feels direct but never simplistic, challenging inherited ideas about love—especially the ways they’ve been shaped by culture, family, and unexamined habits. She doesn’t idealize love; she defines it, then asks what it would actually mean to live by that definition. There’s a steady, grounding quality to the book. It invites reflection without pressure, offering language for things many people sense but haven’t fully articulated. A thoughtful, accessible read that stays with you—not because it overwhelms, but because it quietly reorients how you understand connection, care, and responsibility within love.

I read this book during a pretty tumultuous period in my life, a falling out with a lover after I had made a pretty bad mistake. My first instinct was to learn how and why I messed up. I believed my interpretation of love and understanding was fundamentally flawed in a way, I gave into that understanding of unconditional love so often seen in the West. Until I read this book, and I learned the ways conscious and disciplined love was, and how loving was an everyday action and choice was when I saw real deal change. I started becoming better and feeling better, I improved relationships with my parents which I had a strained relationship with, spoke to my sister who I hadn’t talked to in a year, and became a better friend to those around me. I will forever take these lessons with me throughout life and a part of me felt like I was meant to read this book. So you should to!

Wonderful book, couldn’t sing its praises enough

This book isn't just a romance book, there's way more in here than that. There a chapter about divine love, there's one about how past experiences effect your love life now, and more. 5 stars!

Omg, it changed the meaning about love what I thought from childhood. It is essays about love. It is very depth takes time to process. A must read by teens, parents and everyone.

A very gentle & loving reading session, covered so many important topics that we need to shed light on. You’d want to read it over and over again during your time, and it made me reflect on so many things. I noticed that it helped me break down beliefs I had and fears that held me back. Hope you love reading this as much as I did.

This book broke me open and pieced me back together—bell hooks' "All About Love: New Visions" hit me like a thunderbolt, tears streaming as I read it late into Luxembourg nights between marathon training and coffee rituals. It exposed the raw voids in my life where I'd confused survival with love, from childhood neglect disguised as discipline to adult relationships poisoned by unspoken power games and fear of true vulnerability. Hooks doesn't sugarcoat; she redefines love as an active choice—care, respect, trust, honesty—demanding we dismantle greed, patriarchy, and self-betrayal first. I wept realizing my self-sabotage stemmed from unloved inner children, how grief from lost ones taught me love's endurance, not its end. Her words on spiritual love as justice pierced deepest, igniting a fire to live boldly: nurture friendships fiercely, romance without possession, community as sacred rebellion. Reading this healed fractures I carried silently—now I chase connections with open-hearted ferocity, seeing love's revolution everywhere. It hurts, it heals, it transforms. Unforgettable life-changer. 5 stars.

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Excellent read! This book changed the way I think about love and relationships.