Assertiveness: How to Stand Up for Yourself and Still Win the Respect of Others

When I was younger, especially in my days as a high school student, I was one of those guys who made friends easily with both teachers and fellow students but had a hard time when it came to dating and achieving certain goals which required collaboration from others.It wasn't that I was an "ugly duckling" - even though at times I thought I was - or a disagreeable fellow; I had a circle of friends from a cross-section of my high school's student body that included football players, choir singers, members of the drama club and - of course - some of my fellow journalism students. However, when I really wanted to start dating girls, I tended to "wimp out" and become the "invisible man" because I couldn't find a way to get women to notice me in a positive light.Looking back on those days and even further on into my adulthood, I realize now that although shyness played a lot of havoc both in my personal and professional ambitions, my biggest problem was lack of assertiveness.Now, as Judy Murphy points out in "Assertiveness: How to Stand Up For Yourself and Still Win the Respect of Others," assertiveness - which is not to be confused with "aggressiveness" - is one of the most important factors that determine whether we get a job we are seeking, plum assignments and promotions, or if we can attract a significant other and build a happy, healthy and stable relationship based on love and respect.At the start of the book, Murphy explains the difference between being assertive and being aggressive, which is important to understand because some people, especially guys, tend to say to non-assertive peers "to be aggressive and go for what you want." I often heard this chestnut when I asked more successful guys how to get girls to like me or how to ask my student newspaper's editors for stories that I wanted to write.However, as Murphy writes, aggressiveness "lacks respect. Aggressive people lack respect for others," while assertiveness is all about being firm in seeking your goals without being disrespectful or obnoxious.In the book's six chapters - not including the author's introduction or her conclusion - Murphy discusses such key topics as to how non-assertive persons can train themselves to be more assertive by improving their body language and manner of speaking, how self-perception (especially negative self-perception) determines one's levels of assertiveness, how individuals can get further ahead in their careers by correcting bad habits - such as talking like a "wimp" or being the "unassuming type" in social functions - and gaining positive attention from supervisors and other "authority figures" at work.Murphy even addresses the dynamics of romantic relationships - including marriages - which can be negatively affected by one's lack of assertiveness and self-respect. As the author points out, "If you want your relationships to be a haven, a safe respite from the storm, it is important to learn to assert yourself with the people you are close to.""Assertiveness: How to Stand Up For Yourself and Still Win the Respect of Others" is written in a crisp and easy-to-follow style, and Murphy's authorial tone is informative and engaging, with no heavy-handed preaching or academically dryness that would turn off readers.

It covers a lot of topics about why I wasn’t being assertive as I wanted to be and gives great advice on how to build assertiveness. I could relate to many scenarios given. Hope other people find it useful as well. I recommend it. Is a quick read but very insightful.

I've never been a huge fan of self-help books. But this particular book is on the high side of those that I have read. First, it's short. Don't trust any self-help book that is much longer than 100-150 pages. Such books are either trying to do too much or they are trying to talk too much. Second, this book gets right to the point. It tells you what it means and what it intends to show you; and then it does it. True, I'm not thrilled with the whole thing. The section on raising assertive kids, for example, was so short and so lacking in material that it could have been left out entirely. But, all things considered, this isn't a bad book.

Throughout my life I grappled with a crippling inability to speak up for myself. No matter how hard I tried fear and self-doubt always held me back and I let people walk over me not because I wanted them to but because I didn't know how to stop them. That was until I discovered this book which has been a guiding light.The book begins by talking about the root cause of passivity and inability to assert. As I was reading I felt a profound sense of validation. The compassionate approach to addressing the emotional barriers that shackled me for so long made me realize that my struggle was not uncommon. Each chapter gently peeled back layers of insecurities that I was the only one experiencing this, giving me the courage to confront the challenges head on.As someone who always struggled to say "no" and set boundaries, these chapters were particularly empowering. Armed with assertive tools, I slowly began to express my needs and respectfully decline requests that overwhelmed me. The transformation was profound - no longer did I feel like a doormat but a person deserving of respect and consideration.Another area that intimidated me was managing conflicts, the book taught me how to navigate difficult conversations with poise and empathy, transforming conflicts into opportunities for growth and understanding. I found myself better equipped to express myself and advocate for my needs even in confrontational situations.For someone who always felt inadequate and unsure of themselves, the concept of buidlging confidence was a revelation. The exercises for cultivating a positive self-image and embracing my strengths allowed me to step into situations with newfound assurance. I slowly began to shed my fear of judgement and rejection and allowed my authentic self to shine through. The sense of empowerment that came was unparalleled and became a catalyst for further personal growth.For years my inner dialogue was filled with self-doubt and negative thoughts, making it nearly impossible to even entertain the thought of standing up for myself. The practical exercises and self-reflective questions challenged the negative internal dialogue that had dominated my thoughts. I learned to replace self-criticism with affirmations of worth and empowerment which became a cornerstone of my journey because it laid the groundwork for everything else.What sets everything apart was the practical approach to putting assertiveness into practice. It offers real-life scenarios and role-playing exercises to apply the principles I learned to real-world situations. These hands-on exercises were instrumental in building my confidence and refining my skills.I have learned that assertiveness is not about being aggressive or confrontational but about confidently expressing my needs and standing up for what I believe in while respecting others. The profound impact of this newfound ability has extended far beyond my interpersonal relationships, I has permeated every aspect of my life empowering me to navigate challenges with resilience and grace.

I really wish I had this book earlier in my life, when I had no clue about boundaries.I found this book well-structured, and thus, very effective. In the beginning, the author explains the boundaries and the difference between self-confidence and arrogance. There is also a quiz to help figuring out the key problems and the area of work.The rest of the book has practical exercises aiming to increase the level of assertiveness among the readers. I found the exercises useful in multiple ways. I strongly recommend it to everyone struggling with high level of responsibility.

I enjoyed reading this book because it was full of useful advice. It was easy to understand and got to the point so I felt it made the best use of my time. I can recommend it to anyone wanting to improve their assertiveness skills.

This book is a great guide on how to become an assertive communicator. It gives you a clear explanation of why a passive communication style does not benefits you and guides you step by step to turn expressing yourself more assertively in different situations. Great tool indeed to improve yourself!

Un guide utile pour comprendre et pratiquer l’assertivité, surtout écrit avec des mots simples loin du language technique de certains psy....

This book is quite simple, but as a starting point for becoming assertive, this book provides very good information. What was very helpful for me was "the Bill of Right of Assertiveness" and a list of 14 positive statements.