Verbal Judo, Updated Edition: The Gentle Art of Persuasion

What I love most about Verbal Judo is its practical approach. It doesn’t just tell you what to say, but it explains why certain phrases work and how to maintain control of the conversation without escalating tension. The concept of using empathy and respect to deflect verbal attacks is both powerful and effective. The techniques are easy to understand and apply, making it possible to see immediate improvements in how you handle conflicts.The author, a former English professor and police officer, blends his experiences to offer a unique perspective on communication. His anecdotes and real-life examples make the book not only informative but also engaging. You don’t need to be in law enforcement to benefit from this book; its lessons are universal and can be applied in professional settings, personal relationships, and even with strangers.If you’re looking to enhance your ability to navigate difficult conversations with tact and confidence, Verbal Judo is a must-read. It’s a guide to not just winning arguments, but to creating positive outcomes in every interaction. Highly recommended!Feel free to adjust the review to better match your personal experience or style!

The author compares effective communication with martial arts, particularly judo, and illustrates his points through police stories, which makes the book both useful and interesting to read.Throughout the book are interspersed quotes from Sun-tzu, like "To win one hundred victories in one hundred battles is not the highest skill. To subdue the enemy without fighting is the highest skill."He distinguishes between 3 kinds of people: the nice, the difficult and the wimp. The nice people will do what you ask them the first time you ask them. They like to cooperate. Difficult people will not do what you tell them the first time you ask. It is their nature that makes them say "Why? What for?"He adds that the 4 most popular questions Americans would ask are "Why?", "Who do you think you are to tell me what to do?", "Where do you get your authority?", and "What's in it for me?"And wimps are the ones who sound like nice people, but are closet difficult people. To your face they say "Oh yes," "I agree," "You're right", but later they get you in the back. Wimps hate authority, but they don't have the guts to challenge you. They want revenge because they feel the need to even the score.The first principle of physical judo is to not resist your opponent. Instead, move with him and redirect his energy - and the communication skills presented in the book follow the same pattern.The author mentions 11 things never to say to anyone (some of these statements may be more applicable to policemen on duty): "Come here!", "You wouldn't understand", "Because those are the rules", "It's none of your business", "What do you want me to do about it?", "Calm down!", "What's your problem?" "You never ..." or "You always ...", "Im not going to say thing again", "I'm doing this for your own good", "Why don't you be reasonable?" He does clearly suggest what you may want to say or do instead, and also what you may want to say or do when someone else says those things to you.The bottom line of communication that reduces conflict and tension is empathy - as in standing in another's shoes and understanding where he's coming from - and communicating with the person in a way that he can relate to. The communication warrior's real service is staying calm in the midst of conflict, deflecting verbal abuse, and offering empathy in the face of antagonism. If you cannot empathize with people, you don't stand a chance of getting them to listen to you.The author points out that we deal with people "under the influence" nearly everyday. If it's not alcohol or drugs, it's frustration, fear, impatience, lack of self-worth, defensiveness, and a host of other influences - and that when we react instead of respond to the challenge, we run the risk of giving the greatest speech we'll ever live to regret, by saying the first thing that naturally comes to our lips.Instead, like a samurai, we must first center ourselves - because if we cannot keep a still center, we cannot stay in control of ourselves or the situation. In this centered state we remain open, flexible, impartial, not biased.To deflect antagonistic behavior, the author shares a selection of "strip phrases", where you let the other person verbally vent, followed by requesting what you need the person to do, as in "'Preciate that, sir, but let me see your license, please."The next technique is "paraphrasing" by saying "Let me be sure I understand you. Let me be sure we're on the same wavelength." and then stating back what the person said, using his key words - as different words have different meaning to different people.The goal of persuasion and the essence of Verbal Judo is to generate voluntary compliance. To execute it, the author suggests a 5 step process:1. Ask the person what you want him to doIf he doesn't comply2. Set Context by explaining why do you want him to do what you ask of himIf he doesn't comply3. Present Options and point out the consequences of each option, then let him chooseIf he doesn't comply4. Confirm their choice by asking "Is there anything I can say or do at this time to earn your cooperation? I'd sure like to think there is."And if he still doesn't comply5. Act out the consequences of the choice the person madeThe rest of the book teaches specific skills that help you to improve your ability to communicate and persuade. They begin with knowing yourself and the person you're talking to, using the language and the model of the world of the person you're talking to.The author then shares five basic tools to generate voluntary compliance - listen, empathize, ask, paraphrase, and summarize.You will also find examples of steps to solve domestic disputes, how to effectively criticize, how to obtain compliance through praise.The author has provided examples both from police stories and those related to civilian issues.

Empathy is the most powerful word in the language. He’s right in what he’s saying. This will be good for people who do crisis intervention, hostage negotiation, or talking down someone who has lost their rational balance. Definitely worth adding to your repertoire of skills.

Book is great so far. Manager at my virtual job, so learning de-escalation through words is critical. Also helps with angry customers as well. Highly recommend gor anybody trying to increase convo skills

Highly recommend, I work in a school setting and it is helpful to learn how to talk to others without making a situation worse.

Easy to understand and straight forward principles to learn and apply. As an Autistic person working on my social skills, this book is an absolute Gold mine. I plan to re-read it to dissect for every single nutrient, make notes and apply them in my daily interactions.

First, I live by Verbal Judo.I work as a Correctional Officer-for the last 9 years. I am a female that started in this profession when I was 19 years old. I shouldn't have been in this field at that young of an age, but you couldn't have told me when I was that young-as I wouldn't have believed you.This book is what every Correctional Officer (and anyone in Law Enforcement) needs to read ASAP. It teaches you to think from "the other point of view", which is critical in times that you think that "training" would take over. I have been in the military for 9+ years, and law enforcement for 7+ years. I typically still see young people in this field that think that they are still the "new and young" people that we wish we could be. They haven't seen the horror, the bodies, the terror, and long reports, the subpoenaes, and the sleepless nights that we, as experienced officers have seen. They don't listen to reason, they don't care about what "senior officers" have to say, and they sure don't care about their future within the DOC... but I can say firsthand that had I had the opportunity to read this prior to joining the DOC that I would have had a better understanding of what I was dealing with.This is something that should be taught to every single new hire in the Department of Corrections, or within the Department of Justice-every new hire needs to know the tactics utilized within this book. As an employee within the Department of Corrections that has also worked as a subsidiary of the US Marshalls and ICE, I highly recommend you read this book, as well as become well acquainted with gang signs and ways that Offenders (Inmates) communicate with each other.Please, PLEASE e-mail me if you have any questions at boothhannah88@yahoocom-Hannah

This book has helped me improve my verbal skills and solve multiple issues with people peacefully, I strongly recommend this book.

Some books I read the comments and the ratings but don’t find them to be my experience. This book is all it is advertised to be and I’ll tell you why. The author wants to inform/advise/assist/ and be of help to people and I could see how he seemed to double back to affirm understanding of his writing. Not only is it an excellent book, but I kept thinking “he’s there to help/inform” not to make a book sale. I ‘preciate that!

Muy completo

The late George J. Thompson PhD (1941-2011), aka Doc Rhino, carried out post-doctoral work in Rhetoric & Persuasion (1979) and was an English Literature university lecturer (Shakespeare and Milton) whilst serving as a part-time police officer. He also had Black Belts in Judo & Taekwondo and would have been well versed in the “studied calm and controlled response of deflection and redirection” through practising the Samurai still-centre of ‘mushin’ often mentioned in his training seminars. In Verbal Judo cultivating a flexible, disinterested “bending and surviving” attitude is necessary for ‘mind-mouth harmony’ - a prerequisite for “controlling a situation through adaptation, versus the natural defensive way of confrontation.”What is most evident about Thompson’s approach is its thorough grasp of the outer game as associated with the study of leadership. Could this be straight out of the Dan Goleman school of Emotional Intelligence? For Verbal Judo is about understanding the power of motivating others; the first-class application of ‘other awareness’, ‘i.e. “empathy, empathy, empathy”; and above all developing super-refined social skills of ‘other regulation’. By way of coincidental example immediately, after reading this book, the movie Operation Finale (2018) describes the Israeli abduction of Adolf Eichmann in Argentina. The story largely pins down the success of the Mossad operation to the empathetic persuasive skills of one of the agents who convinced the Nazi war criminal to sign, voluntarily, a legal document - making it technically possible to spirit him out of the country. For me, this example highlights the invisible line in Verbal Judo between tactical communication and master manipulation since its philosophy is about becoming a chameleon, playing, for the moment, and having greater awareness than one’s adversary, particularly it would seem in grasping the significance of personal ego.This last point neatly dovetails into another of Doc’s observations that somewhat resembles the technique of Johari’s Window (used in management training): “when two people are talking 6 identities are involved.” The real hidden self; the inside private self with a ‘facade’ so it is not known to others; and the self which contains aspects others see but are unaware of (‘blind spot’). Tactical communication offers face-saving manoeuvres to the private self; and skillfully appeals to a person’s blind spot by adhering to the maxims: “people don’t think they are irrational, especially when they really are” and “I can deal with only how you see it, even if I am right.”NLP has been proselytizing to this perspective since the mid-1970s, and in watching the online videos of George Thompson’s enigmatic and arresting oratory style, I did wonder if Dr Bandler had a twin! Both would no doubt subscribe to the presupposition of “never putting a person down because you are putting down the opinion they hold about themselves, however, irrational.” Verbal Judo tends to concentrate on the empathy-laden tool of ‘paraphrasing’ - in contrast to ‘metaphrasing’ (or metasplaining or meta-insighting) which can be labelled a self-reflexive critical thinking tool of accurately reporting the truth in any given situation; while ‘pacing and leading’ is an NLP technique used in gaining rapport and affirms the inner mindset of the person who is being influenced. Therefore, NLP and Verbal Judo share in common the starting point in handling a conflictual situation is not necessarily the pursuance of dialectical truth, but rather dialogical harmonising, a truism adopted by many therapeutic practices. I have fallen foul of this distinction numerous times, and it was somewhat reassuring to hear stories from G. Thompson’s past and the recognition of his many doomed attempts at “the greatest speech you’ll ever live to regret.”Neuroscientific research into the Autonomic Nervous System is proving the importance of a Social Engagement System (SES) in the brain to regulate fight/flight and numb/freeze responses, which are triggered by conflict. Porges has highlighted the role of the smart vagus nerve (as a vagal brake) in the SES which operates to move the body towards optimal arousal without fear or anger based thinking-feeling. This biological mechanism, I believe, is harnessed during The Five-Step Appeal which effectively amounts to neuro linguistic co-regulation. What is most interesting is that George Thompson openly acknowledges he modelled the protocol by observing exemplar police officers in the field, and by codifying the process it has now been replicated across the world in helping those requiring ‘tactical civility’ in the “hot arena of public services.”I would further add the steps in the protocol fall into three Aristotlean persuasion domains of ethos, logos and pathos which Thompson rebadges as the three arts of ‘representation’ (professional credibility), ‘translation’ (putting precise meaning in other’s minds) and ‘mediation’ (getting others to see experience in a way that would alter their behaviour through cost-benefit analysis). Therefore, the real inspiration for the 5 Step Appeal is probably as old as the rhetorical hills:-(1) SE: Simple (Ethical Appeal of character/shared values) - Ethos - establishing the professional presence or disinterested contact through believable representation,(2) L: Set context (Logical Appeal to reasons, policies, and procedures) - Logos - by telling why?(3) P: Present Options (Personal Appeal to self-interest) - Pathos,(4) P: Confirm (Practical Appeal) “offbeat strategies like humour, redirection, and refocusing” eg. 'is there anything I can say or do at this time to get you to cooperate or work with me?"(5) A: Act (Determination of Appropriate Action) - only after all other choices have been exhausted, effectively building the case for ‘other accountability.Other protocols are covered, including the LEAPS model which describes the “five great tools of communication” and is certainly worth memorising. My sense is, unless you stumble across Verbal Judo, possibly in a workplace setting, it is unlikely to be on anyone’s list of self-help books. However, its message delivered on the gentle art of persuasion is surely a timeless one, and with such panache too, that today it would surely make a great, great, great TED talk.

Very nice book and very practical